#14 done - Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters

From the defunct Babes and Books blog where a bunch of friends challenged each other to read twenty books in one summer:


This was yet again, another good book that doubled as a memoir. I think we need to create a new genre of non-fiction/memoir for books like this. Courtney E. Martin uses her own experiences and observations as the base for discussing body image & eating disorders in our country today. She also weaves in a discussion on today’s feminist movement & sexuality.

One thing that I noticed is that Martin & Siegel credit and cite the Woodhull Institute for not only supporting their writing, but also as an example of how feminism should work. You know, good supportive intergenerational mentoring, good supportive writers, and all the happy happy joy joy stuff we all dream about. Hmmm…and I know that my mouth often gets me in trouble, but I have to wonder how wonderful this institute really is and how fabu these women (mentors not Martin & Siegel) really are. Of course, I’ll never know because it’s a lot of freakin’ money to attend one of those retreats! Maybe my years of eye-balling product placement has made me a cynic for big “thank yous” in books.

OK, back to the book.

It was pretty good in laying out the issues. BUT since Martin isn’t an expert, we get a lot of assumptions backed up by citing professionals. My science background makes me leery of being too far from the source. But her writing makes up for it all. She is not a traditional writer - which is why I really liked her writing. When you read this, you’ll swear she’s right next to you telling you all of the information over a cup of mocha.
And that’s where it got hard. All these issues hit so close to my heart & soul that I often had to put the book down for my own sanity. I post-it’d this book to death. Here are some of my favorite passages:

• (Addressing the criticism that she’s not an expert) The risk of having critics, I realized, could be no greater than the risk of losing more young women - metaphorically or physically. And so I sat down at my computer and did the only thing I know how to do when I am in great pain and feeling powerless: I wrote. (p. xii)
• Many young women I interviewed admitted that they knew intuitively their mothers hated their own bodies or, worst-case scenario, their own lives..”I think mothers saying lines like ‘my thighs look huge in this’ takes a toll on the daughter because unconsciously you look at yourself and see your mother’s shape and start having the same issues with it, even if you really aren’t built the same way.” (p.45)
• But for all our twentieth-century savvy, we are still swooning, celebrity-entranced…Even if we intellectually think they are full of shit, pop stars still capture our collective imagination. We like to make fun of them. We like to critique their clothes and their dance moves. And unfortunately, yes, sometimes we still like to emulate them. (p. 125)

Martin attacks the problems acknowledging full well that are “guilty pleasures” are killing us. I’ve heard time and time again over the summer that we need to take a stand & stop buying celebrity magazines. Stop watching entertainment news. Etc. Etc. But we don’t. We are in a time of war, a very depressing war, not just because it is war, but because we were deceived into it. Of course we want to point to BritLindPar and say, “At least we’re not that dumb/skanky/pathetic.”

I do take offense to her observation that her generation is “devoid of grand, sweeping social change.” Martin is 26ish and I think her generation is too young to have a grand sweeping change. I also think they WILL bring about some of the most sweeping change to society since the second wave. The LGBT rights movement will come to fruition under not just the leadership of her generation, but because of the parenting they received from those just ahead of me. I sincerely believe this and that is why the fights we struggle with now will be resolved once the old homophobes die out.

The biggest weakness of this book is that since Martin is still in her 20s, the real analysis ends there too. But I would recommend this book to anyone, but especially women over 30 trying to get a grip on today’s teenagers & girls. It’s a frightening look at our future women and what we might be doing to our own daughters.

Book Review:: Bob Books

Reposted from my old blog

Flashcards and drills are not a part of our parenting style. As two fairly intelligent people, we assume that our daughter will inherit our smarts. As she grew from baby into her 4-year-old self, it is clear that she's whip smart. No flashcards please! As a child who has always loved books and being read to, we don't want drills to damper that spirit.

Bob Books fulfill both those two requirements AND teach her how to read. These cute and super short books introduce children to letter sounds with ease and repetition. We've only gotten thru the first 4 books (12 total) but the kid loves them. After about 4 go throughs she could read on her own. Admittedly she merely memorized the story, but with careful prompts and encouragement she did learn the words. Less than a dozen times thru & I can honestly say she is reading.

She's a pretty silly child who can't sit still, but the books held her for the 5 minutes it takes to read them. The kid's always looked forward to story time but now she loves reading to us too!

Oh, yes, we love our Bob books! Especially the funky characters.

Disclaimer: I did receive these books free in exchange for a review via MotherTalk.com.

#13 done - The Year of Magical Thinking

From the defunct Babes and Books blog where a bunch of friends challenged each other to read twenty books in one summer:

I’m sitting in my favorite chair writing this while [my daughter] is in her favorite chair, wearing her robe, and playing on her laptop. The idea that one day I may have to pray that she wakes up and regains full use of her body is unthinkable. But that is just what Joan Didion has to do. That she has to do it before and after her husband drops dead at dinner is quite preposterous. I mean, come on…what else can happen? But it’s all true and Didion walks us thru her mind and heart with little fanfare.

I liked this book for its honesty. Losing someone so close to you is hard and in the world we live in, people don’t want to hear the hard icky truth.

 The English social anthropologist Geoffrey Gorer, in his 1965 Death, Grief, and Mourning, had described this rejection of public mourning as a result of the increasing pressure of a new “ethical duty to enjoy oneself…” The contemporary trend was “to treat mourning as morbid self-indulgence, and to give social admiration to the bereaved who hide their grief so fully that no one would guess anything had happened.”

The parts of the book that I really liked were her discussion of what she calls “vortexes.” I call them tangents of my mind, but I like her term too. It’s where you are walking down the street and all of a sudden that song comes blaring out of a passing car. The next thing you know, you’re back in college with that roommate talking about how cool it is to be in our very own apartment. Then you go back to the day you told your parents you were moving out and the pain in their faces. To save yourself from guilt, you remember all the reasons why you had to leave. Then you snap out of it…back to the present.

Didon also covers that great debate in my own head. Can you ever go back to a place that so embodies your lost one? She writes about freaking out in  Boston so soon after her husband’s death. They barely spent time in Boston together. “How could I go back to Paris without him, how could I go back to Milan, Honolulu, Bogota? I couldn’t even go to Boston.”

Her chapter on grief is the most powerful part of this book thou. When I read I use sticky notes to mark passages that I feel make a great point or just well written. Instead I marked  chapter 17. It opens

Grief turns out to be a place none of us know until we reach it. We anticipate (we know) that someone close to us could die, but we do not look beyond the few days or weeks that immediately follow such an imagined death. We misconstrue the nature of even those few days or weeks. we might expect if the death is sudden to feel shock. We do not expect this shock to be obliterative, dislocating to both body and mind…The worst days will be the earliest days. We imagine that the moment to most severely test us will be the funeral, after which this hypothetical healing will take place…We have no way of knowing that the funeral itself will be anodyne, a kind of narcotic regression in which we are wrapped in the care of others and the gravity and meaning of the occasion.

Didion does a good job at identifying all the insanity that runs thru our heads after we lose someone so close. I’m not sure if this book is good for those who haven’t lost someone so close, but for me it was healing. I know that I would recommend that anyone who has, to wait at least that one magical year before reading this book (*cough*Amy). It really revealed to me how many wounds are just open & oozing puss, ones that I made myself forget about. I also revel in books that make me realize that I’m not the only crazy person on the face of the Earth. So thanks Joan for saving me a few sessions in therapy.

Peel My Love Like an Onion - #12 done!

From the defunct Babes and Books blog where a bunch of friends challenged each other to read twenty books in one summer:

Ana Castillo is one of the funniest writers I have ever read. The ironic thing is that she writes some of the most heart-wrenching stories ever. This is my second Castillo novel this summer. I didn’t plan it out that way, it just happened.


The novel tells the tale of a polio-stricken woman who dances Flamenco, falls in love with two men, and then has to deal with life when polio makes it almost impossible for her to dance anymore. Oh and it’s set in Chicago. Carmen also has to deal with being the only daughter in her pretty typical working-class Mexican family.

Castillo’s ability to describe the truth in life is spot on:

• You put on your cross-trainers assembled in a foreign land by women and children at slave-wages so you try not think of what you paid for them, and begin to talk the streets of your city at sunset.

• We couldn’t so much as stand on the lawn for a minute, just pass through quickly on the way to throwing the garbage out in the cans in the alley. You’re nice Mexicans, our land lady would say with a phony smile of old and missing teeth. She distinguished us from the not nice ones I suppose by always praising us for making ourselves as invisible as possible.

Castillo’s feminism is even better. At one point Carmen is teaching suburban women how to dance and she makes this observation:

Look at me…I cupped her chin and her eyes went left, right, and then down. Look at me, I said again. When she did I let go of her chin…You keep that pose when you are on the street…when your husband comes home. You keep your head up. Dignity is the sexiest thing a woman can learn.

While I’ve never read a drugstore romance novel, somehow I imagine that this romance novel kicks their asses. I never thought that I’d enjoy a romance novel the way this one plays out.

2007 NOW Conference

Reposted from my old blog:

FRIDAY:::
9:30 AM - WOOHOO! I made it!

I'm all registered & now working the reg area. "My name is Roni, how may I help you?"

12 PM - Gov Granholm: She is kickass & beautiful. I'm now uberjealous of MI-ites. I'll trade ya Guvs!

If only she was born in the states. *sigh*

SATURDAY:::
11:45 AM - Chenese Lewis
She's a plus-size model who feels each photo shot is a statement. Once @ a 'Insider' segment her & other plus-size women actors were weighed(!) on camera. The scales were RIGGED to add 30 lbs. She wasn't too fazed but the other actors were devistated. She works a non-NOW affiliated 'Love Your Body' project.

OMG, I love this woman.


11:00 - Sherry Stringfield

Did you know that Sherri AND both her kids (6 & 3) are lifetime members of NOW? She was introduced to NOW when the actor playing her mom on a soap opera took her to a NYC NOW meeting. Sherry also spoke about being a feminist & an actor in Hollywood. Hint: it's not an easy thing for up & coming actors.She assures us that there are many feminists in Hollywood & she needs our help. 1) No more guilty-pleasure reading of People Magazine, etc;2) Express ourselves creatively as feminists. Turn off stupid TV. Go to museums. Support PBS. Write to the networks;3) Write to the stations. The ads are focused TO US! We can make a difference;One more thing...She's a lefty & of course means as a kid she kicked ass on the ball field. A lefty pitcher is quite the assest for any team.Add Sherry to my crush list please.


11:30 AM - Jill Soloway

She's a Hollywood writer & active with Hollywood NOW. She describes a recent table reading with a wannabe* actress who bombed in front of the film powers that be. Jill is too funny! She wouldn't see 'The Departed' because there was only 1 woman in the cast.

The funniest part of her address was when she remarked that, "My sister is a lesbian. LUCKY! I was just a chromosome away!" Everyone lost it.

She also told us all of an action that Hollywood NOW did to remove disgusting billboards for a certain horror flick that opened on Friday. She cried while recounting how hard it was to work on it and then see the billboards back up a few weeks later.

Dear goddess, my crush list is growing by the minute. 'Thank you!'**

* The unnamed woman is on a TV show, but shouldn't be called an actress. Those of you who want to know need to buy me a mocha, martini or garlic mayo cheese fries.

** I'm moblogging & my thumbs hurt, so you'll have to wait for an explanation.


12:00 PM - Dr. E. Faye Williams

A powerful & inspiring speaker. Yes, Dr. we won't go back.

5:00 PM - Angie Cruz

The last plenary started with a dance party. We hammed it up even more because CNN & CSPAN are in the house.Angie Cruz is a writer from NYC. It took a long time before she decided to be a writer due to a lack of any women writer role models much less WOC writers.She also spoke about how hard it was to be a progressive writer after 9/11. She is just finally getting that energy again to make change happen.Yup...I want her to be my BFF. A grrl can't have too many BFFs right?

10:00 PM - DANCE PARTY!!

This is what feminism looks like.

SUNDAY:::
10 AM - Resolutions

Sometimes the best, sometimes not, part of the conference. I'll post a link when the passed resolutions are on the NOW website.Then it's time to head home! And I decided to hitch a ride home with friends. I booked a flight way too late in the day. Yeah for Southwest cancellation rules.

¡Sí, Se Puede!

From the defunct Babes and Books blog where a bunch of friends challenged each other to read twenty books in one summer:

I finished Sisterhood Interrupted Friday morning and Borderlands last night before I went to sleep. Both thumbs up books.

Sisterhood Interrupted was way better than I thought it would be. As someone who has 2 minor degrees in women’s studies, I’ve read a lot of feminist history, especially second wave history. That’s also due to my obsession with the 60s and early 70s. I really didn’t think I’d learn too much new in it and while the book is NOT a history book, I did learn some new tidbits. Seigel does an excellent job at framing the intragenerational fighting during the second wave (Betty Friedan-ists vs. radical feminists) and the third wave (post-feminists vs. third wavers) AND the intergenerational fighting between second and third wavers. I went way into this with Cinnamon and wish I had recorded it because now I know I can’t do it justice again, but essentially I believe this is Seigel’s love letter to feminism as well as a plead for all of us to come together and finish the revolution. In the introduction, she asks, “How do younger women reconcile the gap between the tremendous opportunities they’ve been given and the inequalities that persist?” And that is such a fabu question to ask. I’ve been asked that plenty of times by women my age who say that we have it so good here. I usually snap back that it’s just not good enough and then rattle off a litany of wrongs in this country.

Borderlands just blew me out of the water.

Anzaldua discusses her personal journey thru what she calls the Borderlands as a Chicana who lives in a racist world and was raised to survive and work in this racist world. Far more radical than I am, Anzaldua pushed me to reconsider my own beliefs and assumptions. She also challenges us of Latina/o heritage to reclaim as much of our heritage as possible.The book also contains her poetry which I have not read yet. She writes in three languages, Spanish, English, and Spanglish, which made it difficult for me to read the book. That on top of my inability to read poetry the way it should be read scares me to dive into her poetry at this point.

I remember during graduate school a discussion about Chicana feminism and saying that I didn’t think I was there yet. A Chicana in the room waved her hand and said, “Yes, you are! Come on over!” In reality, I wasn’t. But I do think I am. There are just a few things I need to get settled in my head first. Then again, the one question I know will be the hardest to resolve is the most important. How can I balance being Chicana (a politically aware Latina invested in her heritage) and a player within the current economic and social system? There just seems to be a bit of isolationism in recovering my heritage.

Thankfully next up is So Far From God by Ana Castillo. Maybe diving into some good Latina fiction will help me answer some questions. Also on my plate will be Strange Piece of Paradise for my book club.

2006 National NOW Conference - Wrap up

Reposed from my old blog:

OK, maybe not a full wrap up as the weekend flew by in a blinding flash. Instead, highlights:

* Meeting Jessica from Feministing with the always "WTF" question: "Can I take a picture of you with my Pooh Bear?" She asked if I would send her the photo and I said, "It'll be on Flickr." Yes, I'm a smart ass.

* As I walked away, Amanda from Pandagon said to Jessica, "See her bag!?" Jessica said, "Oh, the woman who made that is one of the Hot 100." And I got to retort, "Yup, she's my best friend." Yes, I gloat as well.

* Meeting Ani and again, asking the "WTF" question. I guess because I'm not as big of a fan of Ani as I am of Dar, I neglected to ask her for a beer. 20 minutes later, I learned that she would had said no for a whole different reason that 'who the fuck are you?' Waking up at 3:30 am to take cab to Midway = $50, Flight to Albany = $200, hearing Ani DiFranco announce her pregnancy at NOW's 40th anniversary = PRICELESS.

* I got to listen to Dr. Susan Wood...again. And each time I get chills down my spine with her courage and fierceness. If she is coming anywhere near you, you HAVE to get your ass over to see her. She has stared our enemy in the eye and made them blink.

* I've never been a fan of Tyne Daly, other than she played a kick ass woman on TV, but she totally won me over this weekend with her wit. She also made me cry a bit while she talked about being at her daughter's home birth and thanking NOW for making it possible. Not only for nurturing her feminist ways, but for making our country a place where home births are possible.

* I use to watch "One Life to Live" every day as a kid in the summer. After school, we'd run home and ask our mom what happened. As we got older, the VCR took over that job. So it was pretty neat to meet Bree Williamson. And she's the first person to really HOLD Poohbear for a photo and not treat him as just a prop. Kudos to her!

* I got to see many dear friends who I really only see at NOW conferences. It's weird saying that as this was only my 3rd conference. It's funny how quickly you bond over this shit and beer. Yes, beer makes it much easier to bond. And it's awesome how you can stroll up to someone, start chatting, and then realize, "Shit! This woman works at ABC Organization. She not only works there, but she's the National (fill in the blank) Director!"

* I missed [the kid] almost as much as she missed me. There weren't as many kids as last year (it wasn't an election year), but enough and ones [the kid's] age that made me think I should had brought her. And she does want to go. I've set an age of 8 for her to come without having to be in the child care room. We'll see if that happens.

* I heard many long-time NOW conference goers say that this year's conference was the most diverse and gave all the props to the young feminists. So let's keep it up, ok?

SOOOOO....2007's conference is in Detroit, Michigan chicas. Who's up for a road trip?

Hush up ladies!

reposted from my old blog

I have to admit that I've never read Daily Kos. I usually shy away from the A-listers as a habit. It's kinda like shunning the cheerleaders & the real nerds in high school. I went to a weird high school where the A-listers were either cheerleaders or the National Merit folks. I was neither.

Anywho, so I got word that Daily Kos was in town and headed out to check out the new savior of the Progressive movement. You can identify the saviors by the book tours they travel on. I also wanted to ask him "THE QUESTION" in person. Yup, I did. First, Kos started in on why he wrote his book, why he has his blog, why we need a new way of looking at politics, and of course, a new way to organize and elect Democrats to office.

Again, I've never really read his site, but I heard about his dismissal of feminists and abortion rights as a key issue over the summer. As Kos says, "Why do groups like NARAL and HRC have a hard time grasping the big picture?"

At one point, he mentions something about feminists and about not dismissing them. I jump into his speech and ask, "But on your blog, you have been dismissive of feminists and abortion rights." He retorts, "No, I haven't. I'm as pro-choice as anyone else." I can't recall the exact words, but he essentially says that while he's all pro-choice and knows and sees that abortion rights are under attack ("Look at SD!") the thing is that we need to see the big picture.

Here's the big picture:

More Democrats = More rights for women

Gawd damn do I wish it were that simple!

Later in another topic, I interjected that Bob Casey was a bad candidate. Kos looked right at me and said, "He's only wrong on one issue." Meaning abortion. OK, so let's look at Bob Casey's stance on the issues. I'll use NOW issues as that's the organization I hang with the most:

Reproductive Justice (aka choice): opposes a woman's right to abortion, supports protecting human life from conception, supports pro-life pharmacists. F

Equal Rights (aka gay marriage): opposes same-sex marriage, supports hate crime leg that addresses crime again GBLT people. C (see, he's not wrong, just not completely right!)

Economic Justice: Won't support a living wage, opposes CAFTA, opposes universal health care. D (again, he gets partial credit!)

Violence Against Women: His issue page is silent.

Ending Racism: His issue page is silent.

OK, I know it's hard to address racism in a campaign, but it's one of our issues. Part of how you address racism is to address the lack of job training, punitive welfare reform, and other issues that overwhelmingly affect people of color.

sources: Lancaster County Action 2004 Scorecard, Pennacchio for Senate*, Bob Casey for U.S. Senate,

In the end, Bob Casey can't earn an A on one issue. Even his environmental page isn't up to snuff with this former Greenpeace canvasser. It seems pretty good, but investing in new technology won't cut it. We have to put the screws to the automakers to force their hand. OK, so I might give him a B.

But for Kos to say that he's only wrong on one issue is so very wrong. I know we can't get a perfect candidate, but come on, why do we need a candidate like Bob Casey? The only reason Kos and other Dems like him are harping on us feministas is that they know the truth:

"Bob Casey can't win a tough campaign against Rick Santorum without a strong turnout from the pro-choice majority in Pennsylvania," Pennacchio said last week. "Democrats should not repeat the mistake we made in 2000" with Ron Klink.

[link]

But by putting the screws on us now, if Casey loses, the blame put on us will happen so fast, it'll give us all whiplash. "Go ahead ladies, vote thinking only of your wombs! See where that gets you." Or vote for the anti-choice, anti-Roe v. Wade candidate and pray that he won't let yet another anti-abortion USSC Justice on the bench. Oh, wait...he WOULD support justices that have anti-abortion stances.

Just glancing at his opponents' issue pages^ makes it glaringly clear that either of these men would be a better and more progressive candidate than Casey.

In the end, I obviously didn't walk away with a signed copy of his book, but I don't hate the man either. We're in a moment where the DNC has to choose which path to take. And there are many paths to take. Kos just thinks that feminists get in the way with all our concern over abortion rights. I say my uterus takes precedent. So I say that we need a new t-shirt. Instead of this one. We need one that says, "Just say no to sex, with pro-Casey (insert anti-choice Democrat name here) Democrats". See, not just with anti-choice Dems, but with those who support them too.

I'll end quoting one of my favorite bloggers:

For us, this is the big boys selling out our freedom while we’re instructed to sit back and let those with real “commitment to women’s issues” call the shots. And if that doesn’t bring the funny, I don’t know what does.

* remind me that if I ever run for office to hire his oppositional researcher.
^ I *love* that Sandals has an issue chart. Great for skimmers like me.

2005 National NOW Conference

Maybe I won't have a ton of time to go on and on about the conference, but here are some highlights:

* The main reason to be in Nashville was to vote on senior leadership. The Kim Gandy's (i) slate vs. Rosemary Dempsey's slate. Both are great speakers and honestly if either of them won, I wouldn't worry too much about either kicking ass. Kim Gandy & her slate did win thou.

* Rosemary and her slate did congratulate Kim & her slate on Sunday morning during a resolution hearing.

* I met a ton of fab women including another Veronica from Chicago. I totally freaked her out when I found her since I guess I was kinda stalking her for 24 hours. But now we're buddies. She also said that she's always felt a psychic connection with Frida and then we debated if Frida was just a representation for me. We're both totally into the whole "we're here, meeting for a reason" train of thought.

* I got to see Ellie Smeal, Patricia Ireland, Carol Moseley Braun, and Martha Burk again. Obviously, to them it was our first meeting, but they meet a zillion people a day. Why should they remember me? OK, besides me being one of a handful of Latinas there...but back to the conference.

* I got to meet Katie Hnida. I not only wanted to meet her because of her courage to speak out about rape on college campuses, but she played football! Don't think I'm downplaying her courage - I was almost in tears while she spoke - but the fact that she played college football and scored 3 extra points...that's just fab. I got to shake her hand, thank her for everything, bonded over baseball (for about 5 seconds), and got an autograph. Sadly, I lost my program book.

* We rallied on Saturday and that was a lot of fun. But it was damn hot out!

* I also got myself on the hook for $600 to go towards funding one paid internship for next summer to a low-income student. It was like a bidding war. One woman got up during the resolution process and said she'd donate $600 if someone matched it. A friend of mine matched it. Then another friend did too. I thought, why the hell not!? And I think that within 10 minutes we had next year's internship funded. It still needs to pass the National Board, but since there is funding, that should be just a formality. Watch for some fundraising news in the next week or so.

* One member I know let her membership lapse and couldn't vote. Can you believe that? She went all the way there to find out she wasn't an updated member. HA!

Overall, it was a great weekend. I got a lot done and have a lot to consider. The lack of Latinas is starting to get disheartening, especially at the 20s-30s area. Let me be specific, the lack of Latinas in leadership roles is unnerving.

I've put a lot of time, energy, money, and love into NOW. While I'd love to be paid back by holding a senior leadership position one day, I'd be more happy to look around the conference hall and see a sea of Latinas staring back at me. *big sigh*