How Life Drama at the Mall Sets the Stage for Writing

Today's guest blogger is Judy Stone-Goldman, PhD, whose blog, The Reflective Writer, I first wrote about last month during my participation in the 2011 Wordcount Blogathon. I immediately was drawn to Judy's insightful and engaging posts and her blog's focus on finding personal and professional balance through writing.

“Each of us has the potential to construct a better life by uncovering and reflecting on our inner experience,” writes Judy, who spent more than 25 years teaching speech-language pathology and counseling at the University of Washington in Seattle.

Here is her post -- enjoy!

I have been here before. It’s the weekend before a trip, and I am shopping, on deadline. Will I never learn? I purchased a dress for the main event weeks ago, and that left me languid with relief. Unfortunately, I felt so good I forgot about the secondary event. So here I am in the mall, trying on every last pair of light-colored pants that exists in this almost-too-late date of June. 

Shopping brings up a lot for me. I have a long history of shopping failure, or perhaps I should saying fashion failure. Style maven I am not. To go shopping is to evoke a whole library of memories—of shopping and clothes, of appearance and acceptability—memories colored by dread, body despair, low expectations, and complete lack of instinct about what might look good.

I hate to mention my mother and be a cliché of childhood calamity, but she’s behind the scenes in all these memories. She was no more skilled than I in the fashion realm, and she treated my chubby frame caustically, leaving me ashamed as well as clueless. By the time she became more comfortable with style herself and perhaps inclined to act more kindly toward me, I was older and living the clothing stories of my past.

The clothing stories of my past—suddenly they are bombarding me: the date I went on wearing a house robe because I couldn’t figure out what to wear, the events I went to in drab work clothes because I couldn’t imagine myself in any other kind of outfit, the endless cycle of hesitant purchases followed by reluctant returns.

No wonder the shopping expedition is so fraught, so laden, with each small hope hounded by fear. I am never really shopping for my life today. I am shopping for the stories of the past, telling these stories in one version or another, deepening their mythology with each repetition.

I find myself thinking about this as I gallop around the mall, parallel threads competing: defeats of the past versus necessities of the present. Which will win? My memories have turned into a drama, and I have acted in this play before. I even wrote the script.

But if I wrote the script I can rewrite it, and that is what I must do with these stories. I must write them, retell them, give them life on the page instead of life in real life. Writing gives me a space after memory but before reenactment. Writing is my opportunity to rewrite a bit of history so that what was past becomes part of a new future.

Write, retell, reflect, revise, rewrite, recreate. What do I understand about this story? What is important to me to retain and what can I release? How am I different now and how will that affect the story? As I write my way into a new version of the story, I become a combination of the old and the new—I am still myself, still shopping last minute before a trip, but somehow, something is different.

I emerge from the mall triumphant, the white pants in hand. I am balanced, not frazzled; self-accepting, not critical. This is one story I don’t have to escape, and one pair of pants I don’t want to return. I even have time to pick up that bone clutch I forgot I needed.

Questions for Reflection:  How does this blog take you back into memory? What stories do you find yourself retelling and reliving? What stories from your life would you like to rewrite?  

Writing Prompts: “When I read this post, I began remembering ______” (then keep writing); “One story I relive often is ______” (then keep writing); “When I write about a recurring event, I find ______” (then keep writing); “I would like to rewrite my story of ______” (then keep writing).  

Finding Balance Through Writing

While I was unable to secure a guest blogger for The Writing Well today as part of the Blogathon (I am too much of a procrastinator), I committed myself to uncovering a writing-focused blogger who inspires me.  It didn't take long for me to find that special blogger: Judy Stone-Goldman, Ph.D, an emeritus senior lecturer at the Department of Speech and Hearing Sciences at the University of Washington.

Judy created The Reflective Writer  to help people use writing to achieve personal and professional balance. On her blog home page, she asks readers, "Are you looking for personal-professional balance?" "Would you like a way to reduce your worries, clarify your goals, and be comfortable with your boundaries?" "Reflective Writing can help you do all this as you give voice to your thoughts and feelings. You don't have to 'be' a writer or see yourself as a writer to participate."

What a great message!  We need more bloggers like Judy, who effortlessly share milestones and struggles and then pose helpful tips (and writing prompts) to get others thinking and and journaling. 

Judy states in her expanded bio that she was a professional counselor who ran workshops across North America. Many of her workshop participants - both families and individuals -- were energized after attending these workshops, but hungered for a way to keep working through their issues. Her answer was starting this blog.

I find it interesting that The Reflective Writer debuted in October 2009 -- the same month I launched my own writing blog, The Writing Well.

At the time, I expressed my feelings about joining the blogging community this way: "I am just glad to be a part of a community where everyone can have a voice, a perspective, a story to share. It's an exciting milestone for me -- and I know I am going to learn a lot from all of you who are established in this medium."

I have to say I continue to learn a lot from bloggers like Judy, who know why they're here and how to engage, share and inspire through example.

Which bloggers move you? Share them here.